Trauma bonding and abusive relationships
Faith Niece published an article on PsychologyEverywhere.com discussing trauma bonding and why people stay in abusive relationships. For example, an abuser physically or emotionally harms their partner and then becomes very affectionate in between incidents. From this pattern, the victim can come to believe that their partner is the “real” them when they’re affectionate and that it may be their own fault when their abuser is mean. Faith writes,
Many of us have trouble understanding why people stay in abusive relationships. For those who have experienced an abusive relationship, it’s difficult to explain why you stayed for so long.
One of the reasons abusive relationships are not recognized is that most of us associate abuse with physical violence, aggression, and shouting. While sometimes this is exactly what an abusive relationship looks like, in many cases, there is no violence or aggression whatsoever.
Additionally, if we have experienced abuse at the hands of a childhood caretaker, this kind of pattern can feel familiar and be subconsciously attractive. Recognizing this pattern and the pull you have toward being a part of it, as the abuser or as the abused, is essential in understanding and healing underlying issues.
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